Whilst I was heading home from the pub the woman in front of me started walking a bit faster, so I walked a bit faster. She started to run so I started running. Then she started screaming so I started screaming. I never did find out what was chasing us.
Silly Stallion 🥉 🥇 (1192) · 29-05-2026 1305Nicola Sturgeon did not use the kitchen at the home she shared with Peter Murrell as "she doesn't have a passion for cooking", a former SNP MP has claimed. This might sound like a lame excuse for why she never saw his expensive purchases, but to be fair it is widely rumoured that she prefers eating out.
LGBTQ4KHDTV+ etc theverydevilhimself 🥉 (242) · 29-05-2026 1450A dog just chased me up the road on my bike. Fuck knows how it reached the pedals.
Animals Stickyagain (58) · 29-05-2026 1954There are 27 bones in your hand. 28 when you're feeling lonely.
Sex n Shit innit 🥈 (146) · 30-05-2026 1004Sorry I haven't been in touch recently, there was a blackout on our street, we weren't allowed out till they shot the cunt.
Racist Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2325Why do niggers smell? So you can tell where they are in the dark.
Racist Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2321Gaffer tape is like "The Force" It's light on one side, dark on the other and holds the universe together.
Wholesome Stickyagain (58) · 29-05-2026 1154Quasimodo was sat watching television when his wife walked past carrying a wok. ' Are we having stir fry for tea? ' asked Quasimodo. ' No, I'm going to iron some of your shirts, ' his wife replied.
General Squeaky 🥉 (814) · 30-05-2026 0925Which cheese is the most harmful to your health? Freddie Mercury's.
AIDS theverydevilhimself 🥉 (242) · 30-05-2026 0725I picked to my crying soon and said "Don't worry little buddy. When you grow up you'll learn to do this on the inside."
Babies innit 🥈 (146) · 30-05-2026 0818Why is Guinness a racist pint? Because the white always rises to the top.
Racist Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2333Three babies die and get sent to the pearly gates. St Pete looks at the first little white baby and says "Here are some wings little white baby, you can be a Cherebim" and with that the little baby flutters up to heaven. St Pete looks at the second little white baby and says "Here are some wings little white baby, you can be a Seraphim" and with that the little baby flutters up to heaven. St Pete looks at the third little black baby and says "Here are some wings little black baby, you can be a Bat".
Racist Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2324What do you call a barman who never stops complaining? Australian
Racist Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2322I never order shrimp-fried rice. Call me old-fashioned, but I like my food to be prepared by a human.
Wordplay Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 1353Hello, you don't know me but I was wondering if you could clarify something? I see you get an upvote just for posting a joke. Is this a mistake? Please confirm if the etiquette is to vote it down upon submission, or is it simply a nice touch. Thanks! Re: Dear Prime Minister. I don't think this email was meant for us. By the way, Carlos & Eduardo have been deported so please contact the office for replacements if you still require them this weekend. Regards, Westminster Rent Boy Agency
General LennysCrevasse (42) · 30-05-2026 1050What do you call a Scouser without a perm? On chemotherapy
Scousers LennysCrevasse (42) · 30-05-2026 1023Which cheese is the most harmful to your health? Freddie Mercury's.
AIDS theverydevilhimself 🥉 (242) · 30-05-2026 0725What's the similarity between standing on the edge of a cliff and having an old woman suck you off. You don't want to look down.
Suicide Allobosca 🥇 🥇 🥈 (925) · 29-05-2026 2328