My mate died in an accident with a cement lorry. There's already a statue of him.
Accidents/Injuries › Workplace Accident Workplace Accident supergalley 🥉 🥈 (1886) · 06-09-2026 0908If Adam and Eve had been Chinese... they would have eaten the snake.
Religion Squeaky (1790) · 03-09-2026 0802Lindsay Clancy blaming her hormones for murdering her children is like me blaming testosterone for raping mine.
Crime innit 🥈 (767) · 05-09-2026 0150Michael Owen "never ever" tells his children he loves them. That must make the sex awkward.
Celebrities › Sports Celebs Sports Celebs ianwatkins 🥉 (2084) · 05-09-2026 1359After thirty years, police have finally identified the man they believe killed Tupac Shakur, based on a memoir he wrote and numerous TV interviews in which he repeatedly boasted of being the perpetrator. Professor Jason Arday.
Crime Hengist (778) · 01-09-2026 1750I was on holiday with my Mrs, we were sat on the beach and all the other women were topless. I said "why don't you take your bikini top off?" She said "I feel self conscious" She finally did and said "how do I look?" I said "great" she said "really?" I said "yeah, it's pulled all the wrinkles out of your face "
Wife Stickyagain (1993) · 05-09-2026 1231Took the wife to Specsavers yesterday. Even they couldn't see why I married her.
General Squeaky (1790) · 05-09-2026 0822I came home last night and said to my wife "are you wearing knickers?" She said "no" I said "thank fuck, I thought the sofa cushion had split"
If Adam & Eve were American... They'd have been fine cos there's no way Adam would've been tempted to eat a piece of fresh fruit
Fat / Obesity LennysCrevasse 🥉 (1162) · 04-09-2026 1209I was walking by the railway line the other day when I noticed a bright yellow phone box by the tracks. Moving closer, I was able to read the words on the side: '24/7 Suicide Helpline' it said. Out of curiosity, I picked up the receiver and put it to my ear. "Now lay down on the tracks," said the voice on the other end.
Suicide › Jumping in Front of Train Jumping in Front of Train Hengist (778) · 01-09-2026 1901A young boy sat outside his house looking forlorn. A neighbour asked him "what's wrong Johnny"? Little Johnny said "the police have informed me both my parents are dead" "Oh thats terrible" said the neighbour. "Shall I fetch Father O'Neil?" "No thanks. I don't feel like sex right now"
Religion › Catholic Guilt Catholic Guilt Gingerpubes (242) · 07-09-2026 1142Two cops walk up to a group of five Pakis. "We're looking for a paedophile gang..." One of the Pakis replies "We'll do it!"
Muslim innit 🥈 (767) · 05-09-2026 0954Home-Ec Teacher: "Now children, how do you make olive spread?" Little Jonny: "Two bottles of Vodka and rohypnol, Miss?"
Adult › One Night Stand One Night Stand LennysCrevasse 🥉 (1162) · 02-09-2026 1714I watched with pride as semen dribbled down my wife's chin. ' Did you enjoy that,love, ' I said. ' .....what did you say was on that sandwich? ' she mumbled.
General Squeaky (1790) · 02-09-2026 0818A Catholic bishop and his secretary are searching for a suitable headmaster for a new Catholic school that the diocese is building. "What about Father O'Leary?" asks the bishop. "He has experience teaching a Sunday school back in the eighties." "I'm afraid not, your grace," says the secretary, checking his papers. "Several former pupils have accused Father O'Leary of molesting them and he is currently under investigation." "Damn," says the bishop. "Then what about Father McDermott? He did a lot of good work as the chaplain at that Young Offenders Institution back in the nineties." "Sadly, your grace," says the secretary, checking his papers. "Father McDermott is also being investigated after former inmates accused him of sexual abuse." "Him as well?" says the bishop. "Well what about Father O'Connell? I recall he was a wonderful choirmaster back in the early two thousands." "No, your grace," says the secretary, checking his papers. "Also under investigation. He's been accused of several historic rapes by former choirboys." "Jesus Christ!" cries the bishop. "Don't we have any priests in this diocese who aren't being accused of historic sexual abuse?" "Well there is Father Creevey, your grace," says the secretary, checking his papers. "He hasn't had a single complaint of sexual misconduct in his thirty year career." "I don't think I remember him," says the bishop. "Does he have any experience working with children?" "Oh yes, your grace," says the secretary. "He did excellent work as the resident chaplain at the children's hospice."
Pedophile Hengist (778) · 06-09-2026 1714The Labour MP for Dover has expressed his anger at large-scale masked protests at the port today. "These are not the hordes of unidentified military aged men the Labour Party wants here!" He declared.
Boats Hengist (778) · 05-09-2026 2155My neighbours asked if I would babysit their kids for £20 an hour. I said well they're kind of ugly, I'll only pay £15 an hour.
Pedophile › Family Friend Family Friend ianwatkins 🥉 (2084) · 05-09-2026 1510Gloria Steinem will be doing the dishes for Jesus tonight!
Celebrity Death theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 04-09-2026 0542If Adam and Eve had been Albanian... They would have tried to sneak back into Eden in the back of a lorry
Religion Hengist (778) · 03-09-2026 2349If Adam & Eve had been German... They'd have used the snake for auto-erotic asphyxiation and repeatedly shoved the apple up eachother's arses
My wife rang me earlier. "Where are you?" She screamed. "I've been stuck outside this house in the rain for an hour!" "I'm having a few beers with the boys," I said. "Well I need you to come and open the door for me," she snapped. "I've forgot my key." "Calm down," I replied. "I'll send Tony through from the kitchen."
Adult garry6291 (639) · 02-09-2026 2015I can't stand it when women breastfeed in public. There's always a fucking baby in the way of the action.
Sex n Shit › Weird Fetishes Weird Fetishes theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 06-09-2026 2200Angela Rayner has pledged to end homelessness in the UK within the next three years. Labour will build more bridges for them to sleep under.
Political Squeaky (1790) · 06-09-2026 0759It's a good job Michael Caine was up against the Zulus and not the Japanese. 'Don't shoot til you see the whites of their eyes, lads...'
Racist › Classic Stereotypes Classic Stereotypes theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 05-09-2026 1631I was watching the TV when I shouted through to my wife in the kitchen "A cup of tea would be nice love" She replied "Why don't you stick a broom handle up my arse as well"? And it's little surprises like that are the key to a long and happy marriage.
Sexist garry6291 (639) · 05-09-2026 0657Complaining about all the illegal immigrants that are turning up here in the UK now??.. It's all thanks to all you cunts who never donated that £2 or £3 a month they were asking for!!
Immigration UpSyndrome (9) · 05-09-2026 0033If Adam and Eve had been real people, most people would be intellectually-incompetent windowlickers. Uh... hold on...
Pedophile › Epstein Overlap Epstein Overlap theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 03-09-2026 2037I was home watching a film when a pole dancing scene came on. I said to my wife "you'd do really well at that " she said "that's a complement, do you really mean it?" I said yeah, you could fit about £10k in those knickers you wear"
Wife Stickyagain (1993) · 03-09-2026 1149A bloke goes to the doctors as he's a bit uncomfortable "downstairs" The doctor has a look and says "well, you've made medical history you have three testicles" The bloke is overjoyed, he gets on the bus and says to the bloke next to him "I bet you £50 we've got five bollocks between us" The other bloke opens his flies and said "OK, here's my one, where's your four?"
Duane "Keffe D" Davis convicted for the killing of Tupac Shakur. He faces at least 40 years in jail, but he's also hot favourite at the 2027 American Music Awards for Services to Music.
Murder/Death/Killing scotty (493) · 02-09-2026 0746I was once charged with leaving the scene of an accident. It wasn't on purpose, I just didn't have my seatbelt on.
Accidents/Injuries › Car Crash Car Crash theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 06-09-2026 2159A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks for a pint of lager and a mop. Credit to very old joke.
Silly theverydevilhimself 🥇 (3115) · 06-09-2026 0114A bear walks into a bar and says "A pint of lager..................and a packet of crisps please". The barman says "Why the big pause?". The bear says "I had a.................stroke a few years ago."
If Adam and Eve were Arabian.... Adam would have put the snake in a basket and played the flute, and Eve's right hand would be amputated.
I went into my chemist and said "packet of three please" The pharmacist said "sure, what size? small, medium or liar"
Stickyagain (1993) · 03-09-2026 1706i still say the butler killed him, with a candlestick, in the study.
My daughter is bulimic so I told her not to stick her fingers down her throat to make herself sick. From now on if she wants to do that she has to use my cock.
Pedophile ianwatkins 🥉 (2084) · 03-09-2026 0510I was going to make a lasagne from scratch but I ran out of scratch!
Dad Jokes Ash (23) · 02-09-2026 1404It’s a shame Mark Selby isn’t the snooker nonce. How amazing would that be introducing him at the crucible.. “and now, the child molestor from Leicester..”
Pedophile › Celebrity Pedo Celebrity Pedo Dogpad (122) · 02-09-2026 1227I've just read a book about Vaseline. It won a prize for non friction.
Stickyagain (1993) · 01-09-2026 1723It's hard to describe the sadness I experience when I hear that a child has died. Or the relief if it turns out to be a black child.
Racist Squeaky (1790) · 07-09-2026 0722Diana D ied I n A N asty A ccident
Celebrity Death › Car Crash Celebs Car Crash Celebs Stickyagain (1993) · 01-09-2026 1720What do you call a middle-aged bloke who's both a necrophile and a nonce? Like father. Like son
Dark LennysCrevasse 🥉 (1162) · 01-09-2026 1618What's white, gets licked daily and moans louder than your constipated grandad? The local spastics bus.
Disability › Wheelchair Wheelchair MoistenReady69 (32) · 07-09-2026 1622Some things never change. An Amazon Prime plane has overshot the runway at Miami airport and delivered the goods to the house next door.
In The News jjbomber (151) · 06-09-2026 2129If getting your dick sucked by supermodels makes you look like Richard Branson I think I'd rather be poor.
Aviation › Ryanair / Budget Airline Ryanair / Budget Airline ianwatkins 🥉 (2084) · 05-09-2026 0332UN votes to adopt new world map to reflect Africa's true size. China must be shitting themselves.
Sex n Shit › Bad in Bed Bad in Bed ianwatkins 🥉 (2084) · 05-09-2026 0026Adam and Eve were actually Irish. Adam looked at Eve and said, ' O'Hare. ' Eve looked at Adam and said, ' O'Toole. '
Religion Squeaky (1790) · 04-09-2026 1426If Adam and Eve had been black..... there wouldn't have been a Garden of Eden.
Religion Squeaky (1790) · 03-09-2026 2215Kirstie Allsopp has been airlifted to hospital after injuring her leg in Devon. That must have been one fucking powerful helicopter.
Fat / Obesity scotty (493) · 03-09-2026 2012